JM Donellan

Category: technology is so weird it makes my brain hurt

  • HBO: why don’t you want my money?

    Dearest HBO, Why don’t you want my money? Is it a moral thing, are you worried that my income is derived from heinously unethical sources like contract killing, drug dealing or writing for Newscorp? Because I can assure you, all of my income is legitimately earned (well, assuming you can call art ‘legitimate’…) Would you like…

  • Sydney Airport: Please Tell Your Robots To Stop Sexually Harassing Me In The Bathroom

    Dearest Sydney Airport, I like to think we know each other pretty well. You’ve made me remove various items of clothing and screened me for explosives many times. I’ve slept in your chairs, consumed your Krispy Kreme products with jet-lagged jaws and recently you’ve even been kind enough to stock my latest novel in your…

  • I want to give you synaesthesia

    Dearest Person Reading This, I would like to give you synaesthesia. No, don’t worry, it’s not a sexually transmitted flesh-eating fungal infection. You have to go to some really dodgy Ecuadorian bars to get those (or so I’ve heard). Synaesthesia is a neurological blending of the senses. The lead character in my newest novel Killing Adonis…

  • Quotes

    I just found out that someone made one of those ‘quotes as images to share on social media’ things from something I wrote in Zeb and the Great Ruckus. Apparently it’s been used on a dating website as a ‘this is a selection of words that encapsulates who I am and if you are of…

  • How To Do Your Xmas Shopping Without Losing Your Will To Live

    I hate shopping. And not just because I'm an 'anti-consumerist hippie.' I hate trying stuff on, I hate waiting in queues and I hate the fact that stores play insufferable techno music with a high BPM that is specifically selected to impair your impulse control systems.    "You know, I thought that $149.95 for a…

  • My Dearest Target

    My Dearest Target, How are you? I trust you are enjoying the start of the Christmas period, which I imagine major retailers look forward to with all the anticipation of a sex addict awaiting a holiday in Ibiza. Yesterday I was perusing your shelves in search of a toiletries bag that I had believed I…

  • Eighty-Nine teaser trailer

      Did you know books have trailers now? Yep, it's the 21st century. Although…um…this one is all about 1989. But set in the future, if that makes sense. Hey it's speculative fiction, we can do whatever the hell we want! This is a teaser trailer, full one coming soon.  Eighty-nine features my contribution The Story Bridge…

  • Jerks vs. the internet

     Good morrow to you Sirs and Madams! If you are reading this, then you are clearly the owner of 1 x internet. Congratulations! You now have access to an incredible information network featuring 231 million pictures of cats and a tumblr site that documents Buffy outfits! Not only this but the magic of the internet…

  • Dearest spawn: words of wisdom for the future

    Recently I was requested to write some words of wisdom for the as yet unborn child of two of my very dear friends. Having a great deal of words but a rather appalling dearth of wisdom, I soon found myself overwhelmed by the grandiose responsibility of providing the literary form of a guiding light in…

  • Pocket Hipster app

    Have you ever been walking down the street, thinking about messaging that enigmagnetic boy/girl when suddenly the thought "I WISH I HAD AN IPHONE APP THAT MADE FUN OF MY MUSIC CHOICES!" assailed you like a blunt instrument to the solar plexus? If the answer to this question is 'yes ma'am!' then boy have I…