JM Donellan

Category: correspondences

  • What NOT to wear this season (because you are cleary incapable of dressing yourself).

    Remember when you were just a child and you lacked the requisite fine motor skills to button buttons, tie ties, lace laces or strap straps? Back then your mother, father, slightly drunken uncle Phil or fifteen-and-soon-to-be-pregnant-to-her-on-again-off-again-bricklayer-boyfriend Chantelle used to dress you. And looking at you now, perhaps that was for the best. Judging from your…

  • UNINSPIRATIONAL QUOTES EPISODE 1

    People of the world, these are times, no doubt about. In times such as these, such as they are, we need to stand together. Or possibly slightly apart, depending on the potency of the body odour of the comrade in closest proximity to you. However, regardless of exact geographical spacing, we must unite under the…

  •        I've temporarily adopted my disguise as a full-time worker in order to vanquish the debt demons and stock up on mi-goreng to get me through writing the next book. Don't worry though, I'll still be the same cynical hermit with mildly alcoholic tendencies. In the meantime I'll be appearing as part of Black Cat…

  • STUPID WEIGHTS MACHINE FOR JERKS

    No one was more surprised than me when I managed to sell my crappy, possibly cursed guitar for a grand total of $40. Seriously, I would have paid someone to take that thing away from me. Sure it was a weird ad (you can view it here) but I sure as hell didn't expect queries…

  • 'Dying in India' got a pretty top notch review in this week's Rave magazine if I do say so myself. And I do, because I'm a writer, I say stuff, that's my frigging JOB. http://www.ravemagazine.com.au/content/view/18423/192/

  • THIS IS THE EIGHTH OR NINTH WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY EVER HAPPEN.

      A bad thing happened last week. One of the worst things that can happen, actually. Well, almost. If you wrote a list of the 100 worst things you could possibly imagine occurring with ‘stepping on a thumbtack’ at the bottom and 'nuclear holocaust' or 'waking up next to Kochie'  at the absolute top, then this…

  • Dear Arts council of QLD, I regret to inform you that your rejection of my grant application has not been successful and you will need to provide the requested $5 000 post haste. I hope that your future rejection attempts are more successful. If you would like further advice on how to reject grant applications…

  • ebay ad: >>>DEBUT NOVEL: will trade for your house, degree etc.

    I just placed this ad on ebay:  ebay ad- Debut novel: will trade for your house, degree etc. I'll be documenting the bids I receive here over the weeks to come. 

  • HOUSEMATE WANTED (OR: would you live here?)

    Oh hi. How are you? Reading the noticeboard huh? That’s nice, see anything good? Hey listen if you’re looking for a room then you could come and stay with us. No, seriously. For just $120 a week you could live at our place. It’s a really nice house, I mean, it’s not like a mansion…

  • OPEN LETTER TO THE CREEPY GUY ACROSS THE ROAD

    Hi. How are you? Yeah, listen I know we don’t really speak enough considering you live literally within a Molotov cocktail’s throw of my house but the fact is that you give me both the heebies AND the jeebies. In spades. I know, I know we’re neighbours and all that but really this is the…