JM Donellan

Category: correspondences

  • Inaugural Premier’s Obituary Award

    My Dearest Queensland, I have just returned from a weekend swimming in your resplendant blue waters at Stradbroke island, followed by two nights in the majestic sunshine coast hinterland, only to return to Brisbane and discover that Campbell 'I hate the arts so much you'd think they strangled my puppy' Newman has scrapped the Queensland…

  • Dearest Academy Floral OR STFU Valentine’s day

    Dearest Academy Floral Thanks so much for your suggestion for me to send more flowers to my now ex-girlfriend for Valentine's day. And yes, you are right. That first bouquet I sent back in September did indeed ‘WOW!’ her. The problem is that the flowers I had delivered to her have now withered and died…

  • Paper girl festival video interview

        Writers aren't used to having our faces (or any other parts) on camera. Despite spending most of our lives desperately trying to communicate through the use of various combinations of 26 letters and a small selection of punctuation marks that the modern world is increasingly less interested in correctly utilising, we are a…

  • Diet Tips from the Vampire Girl With a Dragon Tattoo Who Played a Game of Thrones With Fire

    Good Morrow to you, Sirs and Madams of the Big Six consortium of publishers! I trust you are well. Before I tell you about the EXCITING!!!! opportunity I am offering you today, I have to ask, are you ever concerned by the fact that your informal collective moniker sounds like some kind of crime syndicate?…

  • Literally the ugliest thing ever built in all of human history

    My Dearest Brisbane City Council, I hope that the first days of 2012 have treated you well and that you are recovering from your collective hangover, which I imagine a government body experiences as a sort of hive mind shared headache coupled with an inexplicable desire to eat copious quantities of Tim Tams. Recently on…

  • My Dearest Target

    My Dearest Target, How are you? I trust you are enjoying the start of the Christmas period, which I imagine major retailers look forward to with all the anticipation of a sex addict awaiting a holiday in Ibiza. Yesterday I was perusing your shelves in search of a toiletries bag that I had believed I…

  • Are piñatas encouraging children to indulge in animal cruelty?

    The first time saw a piñata was at a friend’s birthday party in first grade. Truth be told he wasn’t really my friend at all. I only received an invitation because his mum felt sorry for the nerdy kid who sat in the library reading comic books at lunch time but I still got to eat…

  • Review of Machiavelli’s the (Artist Formerly Known as) Prince

    Penguin books are currently running a competition inviting readers to write a review of their favourite Popular Penguin book. I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring. Here's my entry: Niccolo Machiavelli's 'The Prince' is, without question, the single worst biography of the Artist Once Again Known As Prince that I have ever read.…

  • Jerks vs. the internet

     Good morrow to you Sirs and Madams! If you are reading this, then you are clearly the owner of 1 x internet. Congratulations! You now have access to an incredible information network featuring 231 million pictures of cats and a tumblr site that documents Buffy outfits! Not only this but the magic of the internet…

  • Explosions in the sky

    My Dearest Qantas, My name is Josh Donellan and I am a person and, far more importantly, a Qantas frequent flyer. Recently, upon returning from India via Singapore I flew on flight QF52 which was supposed to take me to Brisbane. (Note the use of the word ‘supposed.’) I rate the customer service 4/5, the…